I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
