i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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