This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
