Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
