make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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