I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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