Define "chronic" masturbator.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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