I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
