i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
