32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
