im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
