you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
