I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
