party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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