Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
