in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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