so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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