Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
