The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
