She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
