You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
