think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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