Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
