She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
