Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
