Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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