cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
