is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
