i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
