glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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