Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
