guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
