I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
