I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
