Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
