Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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