we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
