So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
