Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
