I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
