i think my tv is drunk
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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