I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
