Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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