so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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