I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
