I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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