Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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