Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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