Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
