she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
